So I'm lying on the black padded floor starring up at the silver tin roof at MCT training today, and I finally acknowledged what I have suspected for a couple of days now. I'm utterly and completely restless. My mind is going in circles and I'm seriously struggling to hold on to thoughts. There have been days where I can't even watch a movie, before I need to get up and just wonder around aimlessly. I have not been sleeping as well as I should be, and that is never a good thing for those around me.
I've stood in the shower repeating over and over 'I am grateful for the things and people I have in my life, I will be present in the moment and mindful of how I am feeling and coping in those moments.' For the most part this actually has calmed me down, yet I am still wondering around aimlessly, until yesterday that is.
I sat down yesterday for the first time in a while and began to plot my second book in my series. My beta readers are graciously reading Moribund for me, and as I wait on their feedback I am slowly but surely losing my mind. My book has become my obsession that I need to finish, and without it I am adrift. So what better way to recenter myself than to outline the plot for my next book. I'm finished with my break, and need to feel the keys clicking beneath my finger tips. I need the thrill of tapping out the story, seeing where it may lead to next. My mind is begging to be driven, to be challenged, to be dragged back into line. I need order in amongst the chaos of my everyday life. Writing gives me this. It allows me to release my emotions in a healthy manner without feeling as if I am dragging those around me down to the murky depths that sometimes surround me. Writing allows my inner control freak all the freedom it wants in a healthy and positive manner, and really that's all I could ask for.
Now if you're thinking I jot my thoughts and dreams down in a journal, well that's totally not for me. Been there tried that, and it really didn't feel natural for me. I do know that it does work for plenty of other people out there; hey, if that's what it takes to get you to your place of Zen then don't stop. Keep doing what you need to do to get you into a place of peace.
I do apologise if this blog is a bit on the heavy side today, I just couldn't post something light and fluffy. Perhaps my next blog might be a bit on the lighter side. Or, I might just post a little something something from my book. For those reading this, shoot me a message @tspetersen307 (Facebook) or @TSPetersen1 (twitter) and let me know if you'd like a little peak at some of my book.
Peace out lovely people.
